I’m sick. It’s the fifth day I’m in bed now. Actually, it is the first day I’m out of bed for a while, because I feel way better than the days before. It isn’t bad, just a cold. A little bit raised temperature, weakness, coughing and sneezing. Even my brother was sick but it didn’t hit him like me. So today I want to share my thoughts about sickness.
Someone told me once, that everything sticks to a plan. So, there’s no free will in anything you do, only in to turning towards god. The reaction of people, when I tell them about it, is usually like “that’s way too simple, then I could do anything and mess around and all”. But what if we are already messing around and all the messing is due to push us again and again to be in a confrontation with our very inner self?
I experienced in life, that if I don’t stay aligned with myself and just mess around out of the source of ego, I always get miserable sooner or later. On the other hand, if I act out of the source of love (which I would consider to be the free will of turning towards god), my actions can never be messed up. Of course, ego likes to interfere and grabs a mess here and there but it is getting better.
And now I’m sick. It is very boring in a beautiful way. I can’t do anything but surrender and I am so thankful, to feel better today. I think, that life wants me to rest and restore, to renew and reconsider things. So, I’m in bed, enjoying the aching body, the weakness and the running nose, because I know, life always gives you, what you need for growing. I don’t doubt that for a second. This time it’s just a cold but I went threw other things, which hit me hard. But I would never say, it was for no reason. Sometimes we just don’t know why. We may figure it out later or not at all but I believe, there’s no mistake and in a bigger context it is as it has to be.
Today I’m doing better. I can feel the strength coming back, the coughing is less and I can even write my column. What a wonderful day, what a great gift. When kids are getting sick, it is always amazing to see, what kind of big steps they make in their development after recovery. I could see that many times watching my own kids. They would be calmer, talk better, figure things out in their play. And I think, the same thing happens to adults, we just don’t give it any attention and it might not be that obvious. But even if it is only a bit more gratefulness and attentiveness for our health, or for the friends and family who ask you, if you need something and bring you soup and comfort, that is already a lot, isn’t it?
Some people might think now, that I have no idea about suffering, coming out of a wealthy family in Switzerland. But I suffered a lot and went through two depressions. Suffering is a very subjective matter and everyone’s suffering is his biggest one, there’s no comparing. But I don’t regret anything what my life gave me till now, because I feel protected and guided and I am growing out of it.
I wish you the best of health but above all, lots of love in your heart and your surroundings.